All the best ideas come when you're high. Which makes for a real pain in the ass when you're not high and you need an idea. Always when you're high and have an idea you think one of two things: 1. I just think it's good because I'm high so I won't bother writing it down or 2. I won't forget it. So this time I'm not gonna get high, have my great idea and write it down, just like the cake.
So I'm thinking about how to remember my great ideas when I’m high and because I’m not high my first instinct isn't to train a penguin/parrot/monkey to do it for me. I don't know why but stoners love these animals but we're always looking to train them into butlers/rollers/writers. Probably because they're all kinda human, but not. Like a kid, but you can smoke away without worrying about his mom callin' the cops. No my first idea wasn't stupid. I was going to get a dick-ta-phone. Pretty clever, huh? But of course those things have batteries and tapes that need changing (heh, kinda like a kid).
Problem is that sounds like too much responsibility for me. Ant-Farm was too much responsibility for me, fuckers feed themselves, don't shit and live in a sealed glass case and they were too much responsibility for me. Typical fucking shit though, was just looking at the little guys run a round one day (kinda envy their industrious nature) and some crazy fucker starts eating another poor little fucker. Two of 'em working away happy-as-larry-ants when the crazy one flips and starts munching on his little buddy. Freaked the fuck out of me. Especially when all the other little guys got involved. Jumping on the crazy fucker and munching his ass...
So anyway I freaked out, I dropped the ant farm on the floor and scattered crazy cannibal ants every which way. I vacuumed those suckers double quick. No way was I living with crazy cannibal ants loose in the pad. Yeah, ant-farm was definitely too much responsibility for me. So no dick-ta-phones, ant-farms or trained monkey/penguin/parrots for me. No I’m going to be sensible and get a girlfriend. One that doesn't smoke. The last... 3?... maybe 4 all smoked. They're hard to come by; smokey girls like me but it's nice how your weed doubles for a few months until... something happens, it's the same every time... ‘‘You just take and take and never give anything back!''... Yeah that's it: reciprocation. I'm really not good with that but I’m not going to be smoking my non-smoking girlfriends stash.
Now the last run of girlfriends I met through my drug-dealer but I can't ask him to hook me up with a non-smoking girlfriend, he doesn't know any and neither do I. So where do I find one? I could try a club but I really don't want to do that. I always get weird looks in clubs when I'm shining a torch in people’s faces but those places are dark and you can't window shop in the dark. I really think I’m just not built for clubs, I can't hear anyone and no one seems to understand me. It's like being submerged in really noisy water with bad lighting and B.O.... no, no I don't want to meet my girlfriend at a club.
I'd love to meet a girl at the zoo, the kinda girl who really digs animals like lions and shit or maybe penguins. Yeah I’d like to meet my girlfriend at the penguin enclosure at the zoo. The penguins always put me at ease, they look like people with none of the bull shit. A penguin would never tell me I’m not fulfilling its needs. Penguins barely have needs, food and no fucking sea lions and the penguins happy. The gaffs insulated so he'd love that. Yeah, why am I bothering trying to find a girlfriend when I could have a penguin. He'd listen to me, support me, remember shit for me! Yeah man, penguin's totally the way to go.
No! Not this bullshit. See what I mean about stoners and penguins. They're too chilled out I think, just too easy for us simple creatures to relate too. Not like women. Oh Jesus! I'll never understand them. A woman's a challenge, proper challenging like every day you wake up: what crazy shit's she gonna pull today. I spend most of my time fixating on not screwing up with a girl and it turns out that's screwing up with a girl! There's no logic to them I tell you, none! The paranoia they produce is worse than the fuzz. I can barely enjoy sex because of it, if I’m not thinking it was too short I’m thinking she's faking. Why do they have to turn sex into a game? It's supposed to be fun for Christ’s sake! Nah a girlfriend's definitely not what I need right now. That's a bad idea to get involved with another human being, especially a crazy one, when I can't even handle an ant farm. See I’ve got to stop gettin high to come up with ideas because they just never work out.
Monday, November 16, 2009
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